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Leah Clearwater
06 November 2008 @ 03:43 pm
The dishes were just nearly finished when Leah heard the scratch of tires on the gravel driveway and the rumble of an engine. Nudging the curtains aside with a soapy fork she glanced out the window to see Embry swinging his leg over the motorcycle now parked in front of her house. After a moment, she let the curtains fall back and went back to the dishes.

Usually, Seth did the dishes after she cooked breakfast for them and Sue, but today Brady and Collin had invited him out so Leah had offered to take over his chores for him. Sue had already left to drive Billy to Charlie's house and the three of them we apparently heading to Seattle. To be honest Leah hadn't been the least bit interested in what the adults were doing.

"What's for breakfast?" Embry asked by way of a hello as he walked through the door, shaking out his hair like a shaggy dog. Leah had to fight tooth and nail against the urge to flick soap at him, the image of a shaggy Embry shaking off soap bubbles was enough to make her giggle as she answered him.

"The usual."

Embry grinned as he flopped loose limbed in one of the kitchen chairs, legs splayed every which way like he was a human rag doll. The La Push version of Raggedy Andy. "Filet mignon?"

Again, she laughed as she answered, reaching out of the soapy water to toss him a small blue box. "Pop-tarts."

"Sweet!"

Something about his relaxed posture, even as he snaked his hand out to snap up the box, made her jealous. She'd never be able to achieve that state of Zen that Embry had practically come to master. She was too stressed, all the time, too worried -- about Seth and Sue and Jacob and the Pack, even Sam still. Embry was like a particularly well-oiled duck, letting life roll off his back like water; while Leah was like a cheetah, constantly poised to attack.

Turning back to the dishes, she focused on scrubbing that morning's eggs off the pans. The company had advertised it as no stick but Leah was constantly setting a scouring pad to it, so she was starting to believe it was false advertising. And, naturally, if she focused on the pan then she wouldn't be focused on Embry sitting at her kitchen table eating the last of the blueberry pop-tarts. She'd have to make a note to buy more before Seth found out and spent an entire morning complaining to her.

"So I was thinking," he began slowly, chewing thoughtfully on the edge of one of the pastries.

Smirking, Leah tossed her hair over her shoulders as she turned to him. "Oh? Should I be worried? Do you want me to call for medical assistance, Seth has Dr Cullen on speed dial."

With a low deep rumble of a laugh, slow and smooth like honey, Embry grinned, shaking his head slowly as the smile lit up his features. "Cute, Leah."

She shrugged, still smirking with an unspoken I try.

"We should go for a ride," he finished. "You, me, the bike, whaddya say?" He used the pop-tart to motion between them the same way she often used cooking utensils when talking to Seth while she was cooking and he was being in her way.

Not answering at first, Leah finished the dishes; using the time spent drying them to think. It wasn't that she didn't want to -- aside from being terrified of the actual idea of riding a motorcycle -- but she always felt off-kilter with Embry. He set everything on its side and left her confused, off center. She hated the loss of control, but at the same time... It was a rush, the feeling of falling like when Jacob had taken her cliff jumping for the first time.

If she was perfectly honest with herself, which she rarely was because it still hurt, Embry reminded her of the best parts of being with Sam. The easy banter, the calmness surrounding them, the way she didn't have to try.

"Come on," he said after a moment, suddenly standing behind her and lifting her hands out of the water. Taking a dishtowel off the counter, he held her hands between his and began drying them for her. She didn't even make a move to take her hands back, just watched. When he was finished, he let one hand drop and kept the other firmly in his own, leading her out of the house gently.

He thought he should have been surprised by her willingness, but then again their relationship consisted of a constant give and take. He took her ice-skating and she let him pick the movie. He sat through one of her television shows and she made him his favorite meal. She went for a ride with him on his bike and he'd... do something for her later. It was a steady hand off of the baton, a race to nothing where he didn't care who the winner was.

It was, quite simply, nice.

With the bike looming ahead, he felt her stiffen, put on her game face. "Okay," she said, swinging her leg over the bike the way she'd seen him do it when he'd gotten off. Once settled she scooted back, making room for him. "Where do I put my feet?"

Grinning, Embry leaned down to extend the back pegs, moving her feet to rest against them. "Watch out for the exhaust pipe. It gets wicked hot and if you get burned I'm not going to listen to you complain."

Laughing, Leah shrugged, lifting her hand in a mock salute. "Sounds wonderful. What about my hands?"

Picking up the spare helmet, he tugged it on her head, gently securing the chinstrap before tightening it. She had a lovely head; he felt the need to protect it. Sliding on in front of her, he turned back slightly, just so she could see the way his lips lifted into a smile. "They'll be around me, of course."

"If you were any smoother, I probably wouldn't even be able to hold on, would I?" she teased, placing her hands very firmly on his hips. Yet for all that, the moment he kicked the bike alive her arms flew around his waist.

Smooth.
 
 
Leah Clearwater
»Point of no return

She knows better than to phase when she's upset. Hell, she knew that after the first time she phased. It wasn't easy being the only female in pack of all males. (All males she grew up with.) After a while she stopped phasing period, only doing so for patrol or pack meetings when her brothers were too lazy to speak aloud. Sometimes she phased to check on Seth, but they seemed to be pretty decent with the cell phones now and he respected her privacy.

With the idea of slaughter still fresh in her mind, she walked into the woods and sat down with her back pressed against a tree. She wasn't going to phase, not right now, not until she was far enough away that no one would hear her and even then...

She knew she was right. She knew it so she wasn't going to back down, even if it meant fighting with Jacob. They fought enough that she knew it would take some time and they'd both get over it. She was just going to give him longer than usual. She week long sabbatical was only a week long because she constantly worried about Seth.

So what if the Cullens were "tame", that was her little brother -- a werewolf surrounded by vampires. She couldn't help but worry, it was as second nature to her as breathing, just part and parcel of being the gangly little goofball's big sister.

Leaning her head back, she closed her eyes, grateful for the constant rain on the Peninsula. Lean didn't back down, and she didn't cry.
 
 
Current Mood: numb
 
 
 
Leah Clearwater
»Thoughts without words

There's a drawback to the pack. The bonuses of fraternity (sorority is not included), the physical perks, and being able to talk from over three hundred miles away, are lessened by the fact that any thoughts are broadcast within the others' minds.

Leah knows because she's occasionally a topic of discussion.

She can't help the way she feels about Sam. She's not a masochist; she doesn't want to feel like her heart is breaking over again every time she looks at him, every time she speaks to him, every time she thinks of him. But not thinking about him is harder by far then giving in.

She knows now that she was never truly meant to be one of them. She's as much of a freak as the bloodsuckers are, unnatural. She doesn't fit into the pack, she doesn't contribute, she just fouls things up. She breaks things, even when she's not trying to.

No one should be forced to know what she's thinking, especially not Sam.

She stays only because she has to. The danger hasn't left, though they will soon enough and never return -- the truce will be broken and that isn't safe for either party. She doesn't know if she wants them to leave.

She knows that according to the truce they'll have to, but she's not sure how she feels about that. They are the reason she is a werewolf in the first place. Leaving would seem like a waste, yet at the same time a relief. She won't have to stay out of duty, out of some weird idea that she can protect people from them.

They don't even hunt humans, what's to protect?

Without them, she can go back to being just Leah, not Leah the lone female, just Leah. She wants that more than anything, to be alone with her thoughts. To be able to think without being looked down on. To look at Sam and not wonder if he knows she's still in love with him every second of the day.

To look at Jacob and just wonder.
 
 
Current Mood: pessimistic
 
 
 
Leah Clearwater
»Get naked.

Leah and Paul don't get along.

Leah and Embry don't get along.

Leah and Quil don't get along.

Leah and Collin don't get along.

Leah and Brady don't get along.

Leah and Sam can barely look at each other, but that's a different story entirely. They would get along great if he hadn't left her.

Leah gets along with Seth, Jacob, and Jared. The latter two are somewhat rocky, the foremost is stronger than blood.

Seth, her brother, could get along with a brick wall if they spent enough time together. She would know, she used to be that brick wall.

Jacob, her friend, is a lot like an older version of Seth. The only thing he can't get along with it seems, is the man who stole his girl. That thing is a filthy bloodsucker though -- in the most literal of terms -- so it isn't much of a loss.

Jared, her something or other, is like a blanket worn in from a lot of time spent together. It was one of the pitfalls of growing up on a reservation that gossiped like a small town. He was also so laid back he was nearly impossible to bother.

He'd also imprinted already.

He's a cop out, but she doesn't care and she smiles at him a little before leaping gracefully off the porch and sliding in step next to him.

"Hey Leah, what's the what?"

She shrugs. "Nothing. Where's Kim?" His girlfriend had become a near permanent fixture on the reservation lately.

An almost dreamy look hits his eyes and a smile hits his lips at the mere mention of her name. If she hadn't known what it felt like -- and she did, intimately -- she would have rolled her eyes. Instead she just waits. "She's at orientation."

College. Something Leah was postponing. Indefinitely.

"Cool. Listen, can I ask you a favor?"

"Shoot."

"So you know how--" She's about to say Sam but stops herself. "You know how I got into therapy? Well Jake thought it'd be fun to do this truth or dare thing and I agreed." Her tone says she doesn't agree with Jacob's assessment of fun.

Jared stifles a laugh, but doesn't say anything else. She doesn't think when she phases anymore so she doesn't hear anything but direct orders. Everyone else hears though.

"I'm not going to tell the truth so I need to take the dare."

"You don't need--'

"I need to take the dare."

"Fine, what is it?"

She breathes out something like relief, but more nervous. "Get naked."

"What!"

"Oh come on Jared, you've seen me naked before."

"Yeah, when we were three."

"Skinny dipping, I just meant skinny dipping. You don't even need to look, just be witness. Proof. I need you Jared, please?" She's begging, but it's a well-known fact that she doesn't tell the truth, not really.

"Not this time."

She scowls at him faintly before the fight leaves her and she shrugs. "Whatever." Leaving him to his walk, she turns and heads for the red house on the other end of the road. Without knocking, she pokes her head into Jacob's makeshift garage.

"We're going skinny dipping. First beach. Fifteen minutes."
 
 
Current Mood: frustrated
 
 
Leah Clearwater
»Life & Death

They call them epiphanies, a moment of sudden realization or insight. Leah Clearwater is young enough that she hasn't had many, if any at all, but old enough to realize that she's having one at this exact moment.

"Jacob Black," she starts calmly, a stark contrast to her clenched fists, "you are an idiot."

It shouldn't be new to her, or surprising in the least. This is the same boy she'd grown up with, the same boy she spent a good chuck of her time with on a weekly basis, the same boy that thought it would be a good idea to put Bella Swan on a motorcycle.

More than once!

So why why why did she ever think it would be a good idea to listen to him? She was losing her touch, clearly.

He shrugs, his smile wide and absolutely endearing. She wants to wipe it off his face like a mop across a floor.

He's bigger than her, much bigger, with built up muscle and a good half-foot on her height wise; but she's fast, a damn sight faster than he is and she punches him before he can even think to stop her. The smile slides of his face with the amusing sound of her fist hitting his jaw and her giggle.

"HEY! What was that for?!" He seems affronted, but he doesn't even touch his face. She wonders if it's because she's standing right in front of him. Probably not. It probably didn't even hurt.

"If we die," she hisses, the words ground out between her teeth, "I'll kill you."

He opens his mouth to speak and then snaps it shut. She's stopped him momentarily with a glare. "Yes, I know what I just said." She sighs then, yanks her hair back into a ponytail, slipping her elastic from around her wrist to wrap around her glossy black hair.

Jacob waits until she's done. "Are you done imitating Satan?"

"Ha very ha. Let's just get this over with."

His smile is back in an instant even though she's still grumbling low and fast under her breath. "Sure, sure." He rolls his eyes when she's not looking and runs his tongue along his teeth. It hurt, but not a lot. She needed to work on her punches, put some weight behind it.

He said they were going hunting. Something small, he said, nothing to worry about. It'll be fun.

He had failed to mention that the kind of hunting he meant was small birds. While they were flying. Oh, and hunting? Meant they were going to jump off the cliff and catch them midair. He apparently hadn't thought to mention that particular fact to Leah until they were on the edge of the cliff and she was too far in that her stubborn pride wouldn't let her back out.

He glances at her clothes and raises an eyebrow. She scowls at him fiercely before yanking her pants off. It is July, and even though their particular area of Washington is perpetually shrouded in cloud cover, she is always hot and nearly always at the beach. She lives in her bathing suit.

She's too easy to read and Jacob is practically preening from his literacy prowess. Her palm tingles again with the need to hit something. Funny, she used to be a lot less violent. He smirks at the green polka dots on her white bikini and she crosses her arms over her chest, not to cover herself up, but so she won't shove him off the cliff.

She clears her throat. "How exactly do we do this?"

"Run and jump." He hadn't thought it all the way through and he doesn't expect them to catch anything. Mostly it's just for the cliff jumping, but without everyone else around. Leah doesn't always get along with everyone.

And call him old-fashioned, but Billy Black would not have taken kindly to Jacob's conniving to get Leah to jump off a cliff. Then Billy and Sue would have yelled at him. Not cool.

"Do you want me to go first?" he asks, playing the good guy card so she'll quit glaring at him like she's formulating plans to kill him in his sleep. She scowls again, but shakes her head, her arms unfolding from her body and falling limply to her sides. She looks scared for half a second but then her hands ball into fists again and all the fear is gone.

She takes off like a rocket and suddenly she's in the air and screaming because there is nothing underneath her and she's falling, quickly, towards the water below her. The screaming doesn't stop until she hits the water and goes under.

Jacob watches, apprehensively until her head bobs up and she slicks her hair off of her face. She's grinning and he breathes a sigh of relief.

"I'm going to kill you, Jacob Black!" she shrieks, mid laughter, and he shakes his head and backs up a few feet to get a running start before he jumps.

His splash is undeniably bigger than hers and he's under for a lot longer, the bulk of his weight dragging him under until he kicks back to the surface. Leah's still grinning and laughing as she treads water.

He shakes his hair out like a wet dog. "What'd I do this time?"

She nods to the thin straps of her bathing suit. "I almost lost it." Jacob laughs so hard he doesn't even fight it when she dunks him, pushing his head under the waves. He tickles her underwater until she lets go.

They call them epiphanies, a moment of sudden realization or insight. Leah Clearwater is young enough that she hasn't had many, if any at all, but old enough to realize that she's having one at this exact moment.

"Thanks. I needed that."
 
 
Current Mood: ecstatic
 
 
Leah Clearwater
»Only after disaster can we be resurrected. - Tyler Durdan; Fight Club

She's not exactly a disaster. She close, dancing along the precipice, but something keeps pulling her back before she tumbles off the edge. It's the pack mentality and a slightly over protective nature when it comes to Seth. Who else is going to take care of him? The pack? No, Seth is Leah's responsibility.

She thinks she must have the most trouble. She thinks she must be the most trouble, but she saves those thoughts only for when she's human. She doesn't need the rest of them thinking she's weaker than they already think she is. She's not the youngest, but she'd wager that even Sam thought she was the weakest.

Female.

She's pressing dough into dumplings when she hears the knock and she doesn't need to look up to know who it is.

"It's open!"

She can practically feel him hesitating, rocking back on his heels in a moment of uncertainty before he pushes the door open and strolls purposefully into the kitchen. They don't look at each other, at least not in the eye, and Leah keeps her head bent over her work. If she looks up, she'll stare, she knows she will, so instead she looks down, watching her fingers press the dough together into half moons.

"Emily--" He stops as soon as he starts and when she looks up she knows there's an accusation in her eyes. She can't help it; it feels like a betrayal all over again. Sam has Emily now, for better or worse, and Leah only has herself. There's no better for Leah, just worse.

He starts again as she looks down, pressing her lips together in a thin line. "Emily wanted me to give you this." She closes her eyes and swallows the lump threatening to cut off the air to her lungs. "It's for the wedding."

She hears something settle on the table, Sam steps back the moment it's done, leaving a wide gap between them, table and chairs and all too much space separating them. It's not just space.

Her dark eyes easily zero in on the small box inches from her fingers and she brushes her flour and dough stained hands on her lap before she picks it up, not wanting to mar the smooth black velvet. The lip opens with a creak and she plucks the gift from the satin inside.

It's a necklace. A crescent moon dangles from a black ribbon and silver words scroll across the edge in Emily's perfect cursive. The silver stands out brightly against the muted russet red color of the moon. She stares at it dully, pressing away the thoughts it brings up.

Her attention snaps up as the box snaps closed. Sam's beside her and holding his hand out for the necklace. "May I?"

She wants desperately to say no, please, go away and don't come back, but she can't. She nods instead. He's careful not to touch her while he's taking the necklace and he make no move to brush her hair aside, tying the ends of the ribbon over her hair before letting it drop against her skin.

She lifts her hair up automatically before running her fingers across the charm now around her neck. "Thanks."

He nodded and opened his mouth to say something else but Leah stopped him, leaping gracefully from her chair. "I have to... go." She didn't spare him a second glance as she took up running, hair flying out behind her and her apron leaving a messy pile on the porch.

She thought it would get easier, the idea of Sam with anyone besides her.

It didn't.
 
 
Current Mood: hurt
 
 
Leah Clearwater
»How are you?

She was still rubbing the sleep from her eyes when she heard a whizzing and her hand snapped out to grab the pop tart flying towards her face.

"Watch it, Seth!" she snapped angrily, dropping her breakfast on the table and wiping her hands on her jeans. His laugh reminded her of barking and try as she might, she couldn't manage to stay mad at him. Seth was too genuinely sweet to do anything mean-spirited.

Unlike her.

He was grinning still when she slumped down at the table to eat. "Nice catch, Le." He passed her the orange juice and didn't bat an eyelash when she drank right from the cartoon. Neither of them really used glasses anymore, only when they were eating with mom.

Then she saw the look of annoyance cross his face as he chewed thoughtfully. She wondered idly who had been talking about her that night, but she didn't bother asking. He seemed to notice the way she faded into the wooden chair, her back pressed hard into the rough wood. "You okay, Le? Mom's out but I could go get her for you."

She shook her head quickly. "I'm okay, Seth, just thinking. Sorry."

Seth shrugged, the tension leaving his body. "It's a free country," he said, a little bit of smart aleck creeping into his tone. She really hoped she hadn't been the one to teach him that.

"Where is she?" She broke off a piece of the pop tart and watched absentmindely as the dough crumbled around the edges.

"Shopping for a wedding present."

"Oh."

"Are you sure you don't--"

"I'm sure, Seth. It's nothing against them, I just..." She struggled to find the right words but nothing came to her, nothing appropriate enough to tell her younger brother who was still so sweet and innocent in spite of everything they'd gone through.

She really wasn't that against Bella Swan, she remembered when she and Charlie would come down when they were kids and she'd get stuck playing with the Black twins. She loved Charlie, dearly; he'd been her Dad's best friend. But that didn't really change much.

Dad was dead anyway.

"I know what you're thinking, Leah."

She raised her eyes from the pop tart and shot Seth a smile. "You're a mind reader now too, huh? Is she rubbing off on you or something?"

Her joking was rewarded with another rough, barking, laugh and she was glad he was in such high spirits. "You always get this look when you're thinking 'bout Dad."

The smiled faded a little, but she shrugged in concession. "Sometimes I think you know me too well, Seth." Though, if she were honest with herself, if anyone was going to know her that well she'd want it to be Seth. He was her brother long before they were part of the pack and things like that superseded pack hierarchy.

Seth's smile was sheepish when he spoke again. "Jacob's still in Canada. You haven't phased in a while so I didn't know if you knew."

She hadn't phased because she didn't want the entire pack to know what she was thinking. "Thanks, Seth. For keeping me in the loop."

"Sure thing, Le." They went back to eating breakfast in silence, passing the cartoon of juice back and forth between them, munching on pop tarts unlike Leah was awake enough to make them both waffles and bacon.

The phone rang as she was flipping the bacon and she grabbed it off the hook immediately. "Clearwaters."

She heard a hitch of breath and she held the phone out for Seth. "It's for you. The bacon's almost done." When he'd taken the phone from her, she turned the oven off and loped out to the porch, settling on the steps with her arms around her knees, she could still hear Seth's half of the conversation and she frowned to herself.

"Hey Bella! How are you?"
 
 
Current Mood: drained
 
 
 
Leah Clearwater
»Why are you here?

Leah pressed her long fingers against her temples. She had fingers made for piano, or drawing, something artistic and creative. She wrote instead, pencil flying across pages in a blur, perpetual graphite stain on the side of her hand. She wasn't writing now, instead she was watching the woman across from her write.

Therapy. The word sounded like a cuss in her mind and it came out like one when she'd confronted Sam.

"Therapy? Are you serious?"

He'd sighed at her and rubbed his hand roughly across his short hair. It was damp from his shower and Leah couldn't help the way her eyes lingered on the drops of water still glistening on his warm skin.

"Please, Leah." The shadows in his eyes broke her heart and she'd left without another word, the fight leaving her in a rush of breath and tears stinging her eyes. She slashed them away violently and ignored her brother's calls as she took off running.

The Quileute woman across from her stilled the pen on her page. "Miss Clearwater?"

Leah blinked, stunned to find tears in her eyes at the mere memory of Sam. "I'm fine. Are we done now?"

At her nod, she unfolded her lithe body from the chair and loped out of the office with practiced grace. She'd taken three steps into the wind when he was standing in front of her. "Do you mind, Jacob Black, you're in my way."

"Not at all." He smiled a false smile at her but he didn't move. She and Seth, though not the youngest, were both the smallest of the pack. All of Leah's muscle was trimmed down and lean, barely adding an ounce to her willowy frame. Jacob's was built up and burly, like a small bear. She was a gazelle.

She pursed her lips in annoyance and stepped around him lightly. He didn't react until she was behind him, reaching out and grabbing her wrist violently. She stopped but didn't turn around, only moving when he pulled her back.

He jerked his head towards the building she'd just left. "Sam finally got you in therapy, huh?"

She glared at him and slowly pried his fingers from the vice grip around her wrist, soft tan skin already marred with his imprint. "Maybe it'll rub off on you. Pack mind after all. Tell Bella I say hello."

She smiled sweetly and loped off, disappearing into the trees with barely a sound. She hated Jacob Black, but at least she knew his weakness.
 
 
Current Mood: aggravated